kamikaze [love]

I think there's something wrong with my emotions.
I think I'm falling.
It's weird. Because I though no one but her could make me smile like an idiot.
I feel like an idiot.
I haven't even met the person and still every text I get just lights up a horribly idiotic grin to my face. Because every time I read those texts it feels... I don't even know how it feels. I just know it makes me smile. It makes me feel like a total idiot, really. Because feeling like this is stupid, idiotic and absolutely pathetic. Mostly pathetic. But it's not like I can help it. And that's even worse.
I'm a pathetic, pathetic human being.

Where's the button to switch off my emotions?
Because I would definitely need it right now.

What I'd also need is some money.
This is stupid.

And at some point it just starts feeling unreal

It was a happy day. I was so happy. The world was supposed to be happy.
How many minutes had you managed to be at home?
Two? Three? Maybe four?

It hurts, worse than before. I guess it is worse than before.
Even though I promissed myself not to do it ever again.
Usually it doesn't sting until the morning. This one hurts already.

I want to talk but don't know whom to. I don't want to upset anyone.  And the ones it wouldn't upset, wouldn't understand. I just wish I could really show you how it feels...