I'm sorry. I've tried to answer the comments but somehow I just can't bring myself to it.. I've started. Replied half way through and then deleted the whole shit because I started feeling too anxious about it. So please, forgive me. I'm trying and failing.
Trying and failing.
That's the thing of today, I suppose.
I feel empty again and I'm starting to get sick of this feeling. My chest hurts and it's hard to breathe again. But the pain in my chest is the worst of the two. I can't make it stop, it just hammers there like trying to break through my bones. Hurts.
I'm tired. I want to see friends and yet I want to be alone.
I don't know what I want.
That's pretty much it.
My mind's a mess.
I am glad that you keep writing. I hope it helps you to understand better everything you are going through right now.
VastaaPoistaI have found writing truly helpful. It is almost as effective as talking. Yet, talking takes getting used to.(In my case the previous sentence means bursting into tears in front of a psychiatrist and two nurses when they asked me one of the most common question in the world and crying for 45 minutes...)
Keep going on - forward, backford - just somewhere, in any direction. I believe that the most important thing is not to stop.
Hopefully my ramblings do not get unbearable... And if they do, do let me know. (I have got a few mental issues so I probably cannot tell whether my comments are disturbing or not! :D )
Stay strong. <3
Okay I'm trying to answer now and please pardon me if I end up writing some total bullsh*t, I'm not very good at this..
PoistaYes, I've figured that writing does help me quite a bit. Talking... well, I don't really know how to talk. I kinda want to and sometimes I do but I don't manage to get all of it out that way. I somehow end up feeling like I bother the person I'm talking to and that's why I don't like doing it that much.. By writing, I feel like I'm not bothering anyone..
I'm not surprised by your reaction, I suppose I'd end up the same, eh..
I suppose that not stopping is what keeps me sane. If I stay still and don't do anything, I can just feel how the darkness pulls me in and I end up in some corner just sobbing about everything..
Please, don't ever think that it would be somehow unbearable for me to read your comments, no definitely not. I actually even find somehow comfort in them and I should really be thanking you. So, thank you, really. ♥
I shall try my best, you too. ♥
Thank you for your comment. <3 Why would I ever think that your thoughts would not be worth reading? I know that these feelings are never easy to express. Besides, you are a great writer.
VastaaPoistaI too feel that talking is not very natural to me. I have almost always been "the quiet, kind girl" - or at least I have tried to be someone like that. Therefore, I can admit that it is extremely hard to talk to your friends or parents about e.g. deep feelings of sadness and worthlessness, self-harming or dreams and desires to escape this cold reality which (sometimes) does not seem to care a shit about you...
It may seem as if you were talking a foreign language to your closest ones when you tell them about the things mentioned above. They often become worried or even scared, and it is a natural reaction. How could they understand your emotions perfectly if they have not been in a similar situation?
I may sometimes joke about my mental health but I usually avoid talking about it. But I do answer as honestly as I possible can if somebody asks about it. I have realised that my lies have only hurt myself. Maybe you could try something like this too?
I have also understood that true friends stick with you no matter what. (And they usually are worried about you even if they do not tell you about it!) And it goes without saying, it is no friend-/relationship if you are always trying to please the other.
Whatever you deside to do, don't give up. <3