Feelings. Such stupid, wonderful and distressingly complicated things. When everything seems to fall down, feelings are the first ones to betray you. At least that's the case with me.
I caught myself thinking about my own feelings again today. And yes, it may sound stupid and dull but actually these sort of thinking-sessions are rather good for me usually. Usually. Today it just wasn't so. I feel like my feelings are a mess - which isn't really uncommon but rather annoying to realize anyway - and at the moment they are a mess where there are some emotions that just strike out stronger than others. For a while now mine has been a great, miserable regret. And you can only imagine how it feels.
I bet I'm not the only one if I said that I wanted a button to turn my feelings off from time to time? Today they've only gotten me to feel sick most of the time - to the point where right now, just before going to bed I'm at the edge of just crying.
Paranoia has also been my friend today. But more about that some other time since I bet it'll be keeping me company for quite a while again.
And before I finish this utterly useless text I'd just like to share one more thing.
Last Friday night I fell asleep holding hands with a darling thing. And I haven't felt that happy for quite a while. Thank you for that darling. You really made me smile from the bottom of my heart.
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