Last night we spoke about relationships with my parents. They started saying that it's so weird that I haven't had a single proper relationship in my whole life. Oh well, actually they're wrong. I've had. I've had a relationship of almost a year of which my parents knew nothing about, nor do they know about it even now. Why? Because I dated a girl. [yes, this is the part where you can be very shocked and scream out aloud what sort of a terrible human being I am, click the unfollow-button and yeah] They said that I haven't even tried getting myself a relationship. Told that it's not like some prince is just going to come to my door and like magic I have the wonderful, most perfect relationship ever. I know. I know it isn't like that. And it hurt me so much not to be able to say even now that I've actually tried it. I've actually tried and loved and it broke my heart.
I told them I don't want a relationship just for the sake of it. Their answer was "well, with that attitude you're never going to get one". Is it really too much to ask if I say that I want to love the person I'm in a relationship with? That I want it to feel right from the first moment to the last one? The girl I dated, I had loved for over a year before we started actually going out. It felt right, it still does to me - only that it doesn't anymore to her. Is it too much to ask if I say that I want to find someone else like that? Why is it so important to just have someone by your side? I'm fine by myself. I have been to this point so why wouldn't I be from now on too? I don't understand. And it hurts me.
It's not like relationship would be my number one priority at the moment. I told this to them too. They said that I should think about the fact that I will certainly want family and kids in the future. In the future, yes, but why should it mean that I have to get a boyfriend at this instant moment? They just almost gave me the impression that I should get a boyfriend with whatever costs. It doesn't seem to apparently matter if I actually love him or not, if I feel attached to him or not, the main point is just to have a boyfriend. Because not having one, being like me, is just unnatural.
So.. they want me to get a boyfriend. To me they gave an impression that I'm some sort of a failure for not having one. And I feel like crying. Because it's not like I don't want a relationship. I do. I really much do. But I don't want a relationship for the sake of it. I want love.
Why is it so complicated?
Why can't they just understand...
None of them have no idea how many nights I spent crying when I realized that I loved that girl I talked about earlier. Because I was so upset. So upset about the fact that I loved a girl, that I had fell in love with a girl. And just how long did I pray, beg and cry that someone would take that feeling away from me. And yet no one did. And I was miserable. For a long time. But they will never know that.
And the worst part for me at the moment? I'm afraid that I will never find that boyfriend they are so much dreaming about.
Sometimes I wish I was what most people call normal or 'mainstream'.
Maybe it would be easier that way.
klsjfahll äää!! mä kinda tunnen ton fiiliksen. mun vanhemmat haluu mulle suomalaisen miehen jolla ei ole vinoja silmiä, ja mä perkele rakastuin korealaiseen mieheen. en uskalla tehä asialle mitään ja niin.
VastaaPoistamul ois ollu mahollisuus saada suomalainen poikaystävä tos yks lauantai, mut mä blokkasin sen a) se poltti b) koski rintoihin ilman lupaa c) tärkein, mä olen rakastunut siihen pirun korealaiseen.
ja mun vanhemmat pitää mua jo jonkilaisena epäonnistuneena kappaleena ku en oo sosiaalisoitunut seurustelun osalta. ugh. ei oo helppoo ku vanhempien paineet on niskassa.
mut voimia ystäväni, et ole yksin *hug* <3
Vanhempien paine kyllä tältä saralta on jokseenkin jännä asia etten sanoisi. Tai siis, eihän se lopulta niiden elämä ole, jota tässä yritetään setviä, vaan meidän omamme. Me ollaan niitä, joiden täytyy sitten elää niiden valintojen kanssa mihin nyt sitten ikinä päädytäänkään. Joten olisi kyllä kieltämättä aika ihastuttavaa pystyä tekemään nämä valinnat aivan itse.
PoistaMutta suuret halaukset ja tsemppiä sullekin. Ja sanoisin itse, että älä nyt herrajee anna vanhempiesi takia sun potentiaalisen elämän rakkauden kävellä nenäsi edestä - jos se korealainen on oikea sulle niin go for it girl. Koska jos ei yritä niin ei voi koskaan voittaakaan. ♥
I think it's pointless to have a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship, like you said. I think one should start a relationship when they're ready to fall for the other person. No forcing needed. It just happens. Boy x girl, girl x girl, boy x boy - everyone has an equal right to be happy. You, too, deserve happiness and love in your life. It's so sad that parents can sometimes be so... ignorant. Perhaps they are just worried that you will end up being left alone. Maybe they just want you to find your soulmate or something... But those things should happen at their own pace, without anyone forcing them to happen. That's why no one should just start a relationship in fear of being left alone. There has to be love above all.
VastaaPoistaI myself am sometimes really scared of being left alone although I've already met the person whom I love and although I have a serious relationship with him. I feel constantly pressured for I want to do everything right with him, so that he'd love me back as much as I love him. I don't know what it is but there's just something in the unconscious parts of my mind that tells me love is not free, that not a person in this world could ever love me for free, just because I'm me. "Me", I alone... am not enough for anybody, at least that's how I feel. And that's why I have to keep proving that I'm worthy of being loved, that the other person doesn't LOSE anything, being in a relationship with me. I don't know if it's crazy... But I don't mind. I just need to feel loved by this certain someone.
And... I'm sorry for starting to talk about myself as I was just supposed to say something comforting to you. But anyway, to me you are perfect the way you are - though, that might not mean much to you. You are a great friend, absolutely lovely and really kindhearted and understanding and mature (<- I enjoy our discussions very much!) and I've been telling that to many persons. (:
Yeah, I kinda understand my parents' worry - especially when nowadays it seems only natural that some 13-year-olds are dating and such, well, you can imagine how it feels to have an 18-year-old that hasn't shown even any interest to anyone in their eyes. So yes, I do kinda understand them, but as you said - the pressuring part is what bothers me. Like you said too, I think these are the sort of things that will need their time and they most certainly won't come by forcing them. Or at least that's how I think it, correct me if I'm wrong.
PoistaI know the feeling you describe there. But girl, I really want to tell you that please, think more highly of yourself. Because you are worthy. You are beautiful, intelligent and absolute pleasure as company and I really hope you could see that too. That you are wonderful just exactly the way you are, my dear. No need to try to convince anyone, there's lots of unconditional love towards you and it doesn't need to be anyhow deserved.
A big thank you and a hug for you my little one. Keep your head held high ~♥
Your parents are being unfair. D: There's no point dating someone who you don't even love and it's your life, so I don't understand why they're saying so hurtful things to you. If you haven't found anyone interesting, it doesn't mean that you're never going to find anyone. You still have plenty of time, you're not even 19 yet. :'D
VastaaPoistaAnd about your ex... It just hurts me to listen and read how much you love her and she doesn't love you back. I'm not blaming her, of course not, but I still wish that things would've gone differently between you two. And most of all I wish that you could get over her so that she couldn't hurt you anymore. I love you both very much, but still... I hope you're okay. And seriously, if you need someone to hug or hold hands with or just cuddle, I'm here for you. I know what loneliness is, I feel that way very often, and it's not very good to suffer alone.
But as I said, I feel your pain. I'm scared that I'll never find anyone. But my mother keeps telling me that you should never just settle, you have to wait for that right person. There are lots of guys/girls who would be more than happy to have you, but most of them doesn't deserve you. Wait for someone who does. Even if it feels difficult sometimes, I'm sure we'll both find someone to spend the rest of our lifes with. And hopefully have kids while doing it.
Love you and hopefully see you soon~<3
- Elina
Okay. I'm going to be straight-forward now and say that I seriously almost started crying when reading this. I don't even know how I can say anything clever back to this anymore so deal with the not-so-clever response. Pardon me, my dear, pardon me.
PoistaI really want to trust to the fact that I still have plenty of time ahead of me and being 18 and not having a boyfriend is still not the end of the world - even though sometimes it seems like it. We'll have time to go around and explore, find the right one and maybe a couple of others on the way, who knows. Let's let the flow just take us where ever it's going. Because you never know what you can find behind the corner.
And don't worry, I'll be fine. It seems to take time, lots of time, but eventually it's going to be alright again.
Next time we'll see I'm going to wrap you in my arms and cuddle the hell out of you. Just for your information.
Girl, you are my sunshine. I don't know how you make it but you always manage to make me smile. Even now when I'm actually crying.
I hope to see you soon again. ♥
All I can say is fuck normal, fuck mainstream. It is what people have created for themselfs, a bubble wich they can cover themselfes with, and say that "I'm ok because I'm like this."
VastaaPoistaI can feel for you. My parents are still trying to pair me up with males, even though I have told that I have a crush to a girl. But do they care? LOL NOPE. I really hope they won't have a heart attack when I tell them I'm dating her (which might never happen but back to the point idiot me.) Parents are always like that, but my mom said what I think your parents think like too: "I want you to be happy." And their happiness consists of a relationship (with a male, perhaps marriage), and probaly safe finances etc etc. And anything, that could jeopardize the fact that their daughter might not be "their happy", is wrong and should be judged.
It might be hard to prove to them, that happiness can also become from a relationship with a woman. Maybe they'll never accept it. But it's your happiness, not them. Don't let them take it away from you.